


If For A Moment, Just Stay

by maschinenmensch



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Holtzbert - Freeform, all of the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 07:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8047273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maschinenmensch/pseuds/maschinenmensch
Summary: After saving New York, Jillian Holtzmann is left alone to deal with her feelings, especially for a certain physicist. It's not going too well.





	If For A Moment, Just Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Long time fan fiction reader, first time author here. To say I'm nervous about posting this would be an understatement. I'm into a lot of fandoms, but something about Holtzbert inspired me to write this.

If her eyes had lasers, Jillian Holtzmann would’ve burned a hole through the wall directly across from her.

It had been less than 48 hours since the Ghostbusters had saved NYC. After the adrenaline high of kicking ass, finding out their work would be secretly funded (they’d be moving into that awesome firehouse shortly) and Holtzmann’s awkward declaration of love for her fellow Ghostbusters while slightly tipsy, the real world had come crashing down right on Holtz’s psyche.

_ I almost lost her, _ Holtzmann mused, her feet up on her lab table, staring blankly into the grimy wall. 

Holtz had no idea what time it was, but knew it was late. She and Erin, Abby and Patty had spent part of the night packing up their things in their headquarters above  Zhu's Authentic Hong Kong Food. One by one they had left, going home to sleep and rest for another day of packing and dealing with countless phone calls, emails and media requests (bless Kevin, he tried to help them with this, but hung up on at least four calls and got a virus installed on the reception desk computer attempting to respond to an email). Holtz stayed though, saying she needed extra time to pack up the many contraptions and pieces of equipment she’d created in the last several months. But in reality, she knew her brain was about to fold in on herself, and needed the time alone. 

Over and over the scene of Abby being sucked into the portal and Erin jumping in after her replayed in her mind. Holtz would’ve jumped in as well, but it all happened so quickly that The Mercado had started to re-materialize in front of her before she could even consider it. She had pulled the wire holding Erin and Abby so hard she was sure she’d dislocated her shoulders. And all the while the voice in her brain screamed  _ don’t die Erin, you can’t die, I need you, I can’t live my life without you _ until the two women burst through the door and all Holtz could do was grab Erin and hug her before remembering feelings were bad and they hurt, and then trying to play it cool. That was no longer working.

And as if dealing with the prospect of life without Erin ( _she’s everything to me but she’s just a friend I don’t fall for straight women anymore, nope no no_ ) wasn’t awful enough, Holtzmann felt like total shit when she considered she’d barely spared a thought for Abby through this whole ordeal. The woman who’d given her a job when no one would give her the time of day after one too many workplace “incidents” and word had gotten out about how eccentric she was and awkward and how she just made her co-workers uncomfortable. Abby, who’d almost always spring for lunch and dinner when they were at the Higgins Institute of Science because she knew Holtz would spend all her money buying supplies to build her contraptions ( _my babies_ , she’d muse). Abby, who on more than one occasion would give Holtz a knowing smile when she’d catch her staring at Erin as she was concentrating and chewing on her pen or how’d she’d distract her when Erin would be flirting with Kevin, knowing that she was glaring at him even though Kevin was just like a puppy who scared himself by wagging his own tail. Abby knew how Holtz felt about Erin, even though she couldn’t even admit it to herself.

_ I don’t deserve to be loved, she’d never look at me like that anyway, I’ll just get my heart broken, I’m used to being alone… _

“Fucking shit,” Holtz said out loud, putting her head in her hands, trying to will her brain just to shut up for TEN SECONDS so she could get it together and stop with all these feelings.

She had no idea how long she’d been sitting there, head in hands, rocking back and forth when she heard a familiar voice. “Holtz?”

Holtzmann blearily looked up, barely seeing through the mop of blonde curls that covered her face. Standing a few feet away was Erin Gilbert, clad in yoga pants and a hoodie, looking nearly as tired as Holtz felt.

“What’s up hot stuff?” Holtz attempted a sly smile, but knew in her current state it probably came out more as a grimace than anything else. 

“Are you ok Holtz? You look exhausted.” Erin took a few steps forward and put her hand on Holtzmann’s shoulder. She tried her best not to react, but inside Holtz was screaming.  _ You make me feel things I don’t want to feel when you’re near me, why am I like this, if only you knew that I would… _

“No, no, I must’ve dozed a bit between all my biz-ness. Lots to do around here.” Holtz stood up, making a lame attempt to pretend she was in the middle of something. All she managed to do was pick up a few loose wires on the table in in front of her, and blink uncomprehendingly at them.

“Uh, you sure Holtzy? You seem a bit...off. I mean more than usual. I mean...you know” Holtz cracked a genuine smile at Erin’s awkwardness ( _it’s not because she likes you that way you dork _ ). Erin frowned at the pile of wires in Holtz’s right hand, resulting in her throwing them haphazardly over her shoulder.

“Nope, a-ok Er-bear. What time is it anyway? And wait, why are you back here?”

It was Erin’s turn to look uncomfortable. “It’s 2:30. I couldn’t sleep. I tried to, but after everything that’s happened my-”

“Mind wouldn’t stop racing?” Holtz finished Erin’s sentence. The physicist looked down and sighed. “Yeah,” she said quietly.

“Well what are we standing around for? The least we can do is pop a squat on that sad lump we call a couch.” Holtz awkwardly danced toward the couch in the corner.  _ What the hell am I doing?  _

Erin followed Holtz’s lead and plopped down on the couch next to her.  _ Close but not too close to me,  _ Holtz mused.

“You dyed your hair again.” Gone was the bright orange hue that Erin had hastily applied after all her hair had turned stark white. In its place was a more natural look. “Looks nice,” Holtz commented with a smile and a wink.  _ Just can’t stop yourself, can’t you? _

Erin blushed slightly, looking down while biting her bottom lip ( _Do you know what that does to me? _ ). “Yeah, I was tired of looking like Garfield. Gave me something to do when I got home. But then I just laid in bed, and I couldn’t stop thinking about...everything I guess.”

Holtz sighed loudly. “Confession time. I didn’t stay to pack things up. I mean, not really. It’s just - I haven’t really slept since we sent Rowan back to hell or wherever. And I can’t turn my brain off, but I’m so tired and…” Holtzmann stopped speaking abruptly as Erin grabbed one of her hands. She stopped and stared at the two interlocking hands - one well manicured, the other calloused and scarred.  _ They fit almost perfectly… _

Holtz audibly swallowed. “I just can’t... can’t stop thinking about you. I mean, when you jumped in after Abby, I thought you were gone. You both were. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you here. And, shit…”

Holtzmann stood up suddenly, walking several feet away from Erin, back turned. Her hands combed through her blond curls, most of which had fallen out of her up-do and was covering her face.  _ Now you’ve done it, kiss it all good-bye, she’ll never be able to talk to you again… _

“I just don’t know what to do anymore…” Holtzmann said in the smallest of voices, willing the floor to suck her in and take her away somewhere, anywhere. 

Holtz heard a beat of total silence, and then footsteps as Erin walked toward her and put her hands on her shoulders from behind. “Holtzmann. Jillian - look at me.”

_ Don’t turn around, don’t turn around, don’t turn- _

Holtzmann slowly turned and looked at Erin. At first she couldn’t meet her eyes, but Erin gently put a hand on her cheek and lifted it so they were staring at one another.  _ I don’t think she’s mad, why is she looking at me like that? _

“Do know want to know what’s been running through my head the last 48 hours? Not jumping in after Abby. Not making an ass out of myself in front of the Mayor and his cronies again. Not even the satisfaction of vaporizing ghosts that everyone told me for years were all in my head. I close my eyes and see you, in all your glory, blasting the hell out of a boatload of ghosts with these creations of yours. I see the satisfaction on your face afterward. And for all that is holy, I keep seeing you licking one of those guns and it just makes me feel…”

“Feel gross? Uncomfortable? Strange?” Holtzmann says softly, trying not to notice that as they’re speaking they’re drawing closer together so that Holtz can feel Erin’s breath on her face, smell the conditioner she used earlier in the evening.  _ Sensory overload, I can’t handle this, I’ve got to run… _

“No you beautiful weirdo. It turned me on. Like nothing ever has.”

“Oh, I see. Um…”

“Holtzmann,” Erin said sternly, one hand on her shoulder, the other still resting on her cheek. Holtz realized at some point she had wrapped one of her hands around Erin’s waist, the other hanging limply at her side, unsure.

_ Fuck it. _

Holtzmann tipped her head up just enough so her lips lightly brushed Erin’s. That was all it took.

Erin immediately deepened the kiss, moving her hand from Holtz’s shoulder to wind itself in her messy curls, earning a low moan from Holtz.

_ I’ve died, because there is no way this is happening right now… _

Holtzmann pulled Erin as close as she could to her without crushing her, kissing her almost frantically now, with tongue and teeth, making sounds she had never made before.

Somehow, they stumbled back to the couch, Erin nudging Holtz so she landed on her back, Erin straddling her hips. And again they kissed, as if the moments they were separated were an eternity. But this time, Erin took the opportunity to run her hands up Holtzmann’s sides, under her shirt. In turn, Holtz’s lips slowly descended down Erin’s neck, lazily sucking on Erin’s pulse point.

_ No one has ever made me feel like this, Jesus she makes me feel like I’m gonna… _

Almost simultaneously, Holtz and Erin stopped, breathing heavily. Erin pressed her forehead to the blonde engineer’s, a slow, content grin appearing on her face. 

“Dr. Holtzmann”

“Dr. Gilbert”

“I propose we take this...conversation to a more comfortable and private place. How’s my apartment sound?”

“Sounds great. I think I can help you sleep tonight. Might involve some physical activity though”

Erin stood up and offered Holtz her hand. She grabbed it and shakily got up on her two feet, her eyes never leaving Erin’s.

“Lead the way mon petite chou,” Holtz drawled with a wink.

Holtzmann grabbed Erin’s hand as they walked out the door. 

_ I want this night to last forever, just this once. _

**Author's Note:**

> The title of this work comes from the song "OOO AAA" by Cathedrals. It just screamed Holtzbert to me.
> 
> Any comments/constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated! Like I said this is my first fic, so it'd be nice to know it doesn't totally suck. I have so many Holtzbert headcannons right now, so hopefully I'm inspired to write more.
> 
> My hot mess of a Tumblr is under the username geekmisconduct.


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